Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
