I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
