I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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