I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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