let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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