I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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