Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
