Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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