the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
