I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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