My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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