Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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