i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
You left your phone here
Wait...
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
