In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
