The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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