a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
