Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Sorry about my life...
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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