Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize