I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize