i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
