her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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