You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
