I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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