Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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