Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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