Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
