your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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