How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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