I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
