he shaved USA in his pubs
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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