at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
