I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
