Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
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We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
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You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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