can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
