batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
