Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
