she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
