I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
