I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
