That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
