p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
