it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
