5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
