Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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