Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
