We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
