after a month anything with tits is on the radar
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Every concussion has its silver lining
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Help. Why am I so naked?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
