Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
