Having a random hookup so left but love u
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
