Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
