Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
