So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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