Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Randomize
