He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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