i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
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They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
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Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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