there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
