They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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