in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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