Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
