He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
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It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
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