Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
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Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
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I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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