Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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