I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
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Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
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Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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