I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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