I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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