I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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