it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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