get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
