John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
You're a waste of cheezeits
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
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