My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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