i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
