I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize