I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
