I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
