cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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