I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
